Unedited conversations between artist in a productive critique  discovering  thesis and processes behind the work.








Conversation between Willie Avendano and Olivia Ramos.


Willie Avendano


Video Montage, 2015

RAMOS: i feel completely overwhelmed, body mind and soul




I mean I completely understand that I am an overwhelming person




not from you


the video


in comparison to the last one, would you agree that it is more political?


i would say more political in comparison to 143


or maybe not political but anti-spiritual?


anti-spiritual is ironic


i feel like there was always a guiding spirit


it just guides you into so many directions that it results into chaos


it was an overload of sex, politics, and technology, used in the strangest way






the video is the experience of my teens and twenties in a snapshot


i attempted that in some sense


tamani means "desire" in Swahili


and for that i tried to explore desire and the multitudes of them


each in separate trajectories traveling through an airport


i'm not sure what you meant by "traveling through an airport"


but i want to say desire is such a subjective concept


the idea of each sentiment being a metaphorical individual, traveling with several other individuals, at a center of transport, in a chaotic manner


desire is completely subjective and thats kinda the fun in it


it is the most subjective standard of objectivity that we hold ourselves to


i see the airport analogy - as if being able to visualize everyone's mind at once


except everyone's mind is really your mind right?


these are your desires? aren't they?


and memories and my desires


ya caught me red handed




so you desire a whole lotta booty




so very much so, these are desires that i have had, or currently have


yes... but theres more, and i was joking about the booty


theres a kind of soul sickness


they also completely encapsulate the collective desire‬‬


desire to be beautiful


to be adorned


for opulence


for relaxation


to be rich and nerdy as bill gates (i think thats my own one)


‪i see‬‬


‪ah yea the soul sickness‬‬


what did you feel?


would you agree that if there is a desire for such, it is because it is lacking?‬‬


of course, i'm just a black hole moonlighting as a charmingly sane person‬‬


‪right... i felt that‬‬


i felt a hunger to fill a void that never ends


i felt an insatiable need for more


did you feel hopeful to find some finite end‬‬


‪i don't think it ever ends‬‬


‪its very visceral in that need for more, and i wanted this to be private in viewing for this very reason‬‬


its like sitting alone at Golden Corral going to gorge yourself into exaltation with everyone watching you and no one murmuring to you


omg that's crazy... i actually drove by one yesterday‬‬


at ICA where it was first shown, I intended for a private TV screen with two headphones vs the option of projection, to literally suck you into my gravitational pull


whats funny about the hole is how it relates to memories and how the desire trajectories play themselves out‬‬


rewatching it makes me fast rewatch chunks of my life‬‬


‪for me this insatiable need for more is the anti-spiritual‬‬


how so?‬‬


doesn't the spirit guide you in directions


it doesn't have to be a great direction, but still, a vector of time


many things can guide you - but as i understand it, and this is totally personal and therefore telling of my experience with the video, spiritual is feeling whole with what we have, not wanting more, or at least not this more that can never be fulfilled‬‬


hmm interesting‬‬


because spirits lead you to places of wholeness


like nirvana


which was down the street of this place, but i totally walked past it


‪why do you speak of spirit as if it is separate from you?‬‬


this place is a place of wholeness as well‬‬


besides a whole lotta booty


but wholeness in the the humanist fervor for wanting growth, become perfect, approaching an unattainable limit of satisfaction


and static nature, complacency, all that


its so passe


spirit is totally separate


i'm the x plane and spirit is on the y plane


shouts Descartes


‪so then what are you if not spirit‬‬


before i address that which you feel is passé


‪i am body willed in a direction, or in my esteemed case, a blob of crisco‬‬


i feel as if static nature is so passe


‪but why does there have to be a limit?‬‬


what if everything is exponential and eternal?


true, it just approaches some infinity that we cant count with our fingers and toes and calculators‬‬


it is outside of us


what if it's not.. .and we are simply incarnate versions of it‬‬




we are all very much so in the image of Icarus


we strive for this version of unachievable greatness


Icarus had the right idea‬‬


just went the wrong way


I love being shot down by the forces unforeseeably stronger than us


is there ever a right way


thats the fun part almost


playing out these permutations


what would happen if he were right




well in regards to Icarus yes... the right way would have been anywhere but towards the sun‬‬


and in regards to us, the right way might be away from the insatiable void


‪but he had to go towards the sun to be with the gods‬‬


‪‬‬the gods are not in the sun!


and this is where it ties into why this is more of a memory reel of my life than trajectories‬‬


not in the sun, but in the sky


‪i understand ... and it is nostalgic for me as well‬‬


‪but also telling, as a reflection of contemporary states of being‬‬


particularly the memory reel of this red blob that is supposed to hold the spirit‬‬


but instead holds the archives of these desires for your to playback


of course, we are all like Icarus, and that fervor drives us to try again until we perish


however if we succeed and do not perish, that future that i have no idea what it entails, is what i'm intrigued and sometimes afraid of


‪tell me about the music and trajectory‬‬


the music is staccato in nature


this is the first video piece that i scored AFTER the video is made‬‬


before, my videos were more of music videos, accompaniments for the sounds


its staccato in part of the sharp jabs in movement, the quick decisions in permutations of decisions


but it follows a haunting feeling of memory


memories we look at on our phones because we enjoy torturing ourselves

but with those memories are the duality of joy and pain


the staccato describes the emulsion of the two distinct sentiments


‪both joy as in jubilation and sharp pain can be staccatoesque‬‬


peaceful joy and quiet pain, constant pain is something else


which is also telling of your experiences... all very intense


so the trajectory


there are clear "chapters" to this video




time periods


that they correspond to


and the memories, especially with the person that they are tied to


‪but i wouldn't know that as the viewer unless i was that person?‬‬


or is it obscure to them as well?




its just me projecting


remember, i'm just a black hole who moonlights as someone charming


and the time-lapse is over how many years?‬‬


um since um‬‬


i guess 13, my kindergarten gf doesn't really count i presume


wait... this is all about girls?‬‬