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RAMOS: i feel completely overwhelmed, body mind and soul

 

AVENDANO: How so?

 

I mean I completely understand that I am an overwhelming person

 

RAMOS: lol

 

not from you

 

the video

 

in comparison to the last one, would you agree that it is more political?

 

AVENDANO: i would say more political in comparison to 143

 

RAMOS: or maybe not political but anti-spiritual?

 

AVENDANO: anti-spiritual is ironic

 

i feel like there was always a guiding spirit

 

it just guides you into so many directions that it results into chaos

 

RAMOS: it was an overload of sex, politics, and technology, used in the strangest way

 

AVENDANO: SHOUT OUT MTV FOR BEING SUCH A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON MY UPBRINGING

 

RAMOS: right

 

the video is the experience of my teens and twenties in a snapshot

 

AVENDANO: i attempted that in some sense

 

tamani means "desire" in Swahili

 

and for that i tried to explore desire and the multitudes of them

 

each in separate trajectories traveling through an airport

 

RAMOS: i'm not sure what you meant by "traveling through an airport"

 

but i want to say desire is such a subjective concept

 

AVENDANO: the idea of each sentiment being a metaphorical individual, traveling with several other individuals, at a center of transport, in a chaotic manner

 

desire is completely subjective and thats kinda the fun in it

 

it is the most subjective standard of objectivity that we hold ourselves to

 

RAMOS: i see the airport analogy - as if being able to visualize everyone's mind at once

 

except everyone's mind is really your mind right?

 

these are your desires? aren't they?

 

AVENDANO: and memories and my desires

 

ya caught me red handed

 

RAMOS: lol

 

so you desire a whole lotta booty

 

AVENDANO: EVERYONE LOVES THE BOOTY

 

so very much so, these are desires that i have had, or currently have

‬‬

RAMOS:  ‪yes... but theres more, and i was joking about the booty

‬‬

theres a kind of soul sickness

 

AVENDANO:  ‪they also completely encapsulate the collective desire‬‬

desire to be beautiful

 

to be adorned

 

for opulence

 

for relaxation

 

to be rich and nerdy as bill gates (i think thats my own one)

 

RAMOS:  ‪i see‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪ah yea the soul sickness‬‬

 

what did you feel?

 

RAMOS:  ‪would you agree that if there is a desire for such, it is because it is lacking?‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪of course, i'm just a black hole moonlighting as a charmingly sane person‬‬

 

RAMOS:  ‪right... i felt that‬‬

 

i felt a hunger to fill a void that never ends

 

i felt an insatiable need for more

 

AVENDANO:  ‪did you feel hopeful to find some finite end‬‬

 

RAMOS:  ‪i don't think it ever ends‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪its very visceral in that need for more, and i wanted this to be private in viewing for this very reason‬‬

 

its like sitting alone at Golden Corral going to gorge yourself into exaltation with everyone watching you and no one murmuring to you

 

RAMOS:  ‪omg that's crazy... i actually drove by one yesterday‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪at ICA where it was first shown, I intended for a private TV screen with two headphones vs the option of projection, to literally suck you into my gravitational pull

‬‬

whats funny about the hole is how it relates to memories and how the desire trajectories play themselves out‬‬

 

rewatching it makes me fast rewatch chunks of my life‬‬

 

RAMOS:  ‪for me this insatiable need for more is the anti-spiritual‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪how so?‬‬

 

doesn't the spirit guide you in directions

 

it doesn't have to be a great direction, but still, a vector of time

 

RAMOS:  ‪many things can guide you - but as i understand it, and this is totally personal and therefore telling of my experience with the video, spiritual is feeling whole with what we have, not wanting more, or at least not this more that can never be fulfilled‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪hmm interesting‬‬

 

because spirits lead you to places of wholeness

 

like nirvana

 

which was down the street of this place, but i totally walked past it

 

RAMOS:  ‪why do you speak of spirit as if it is separate from you?‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪this place is a place of wholeness as well‬‬

 

besides a whole lotta booty

 

but wholeness in the the humanist fervor for wanting growth, become perfect, approaching an unattainable limit of satisfaction

 

and static nature, complacency, all that

 

its so passe

 

spirit is totally separate

 

i'm the x plane and spirit is on the y plane

 

shouts Descartes

 

RAMOS:  ‪so then what are you if not spirit‬‬

 

before i address that which you feel is passé

 

AVENDANO:  ‪i am body willed in a direction, or in my esteemed case, a blob of crisco‬‬

 

i feel as if static nature is so passe

 

RAMOS:  ‪but why does there have to be a limit?‬‬

 

what if everything is exponential and eternal?

 

AVENDANO:  ‪true, it just approaches some infinity that we cant count with our fingers and toes and calculators‬‬

 

it is outside of us

 

RAMOS:  ‪what if it's not.. .and we are simply incarnate versions of it‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪totally‬‬

 

we are all very much so in the image of Icarus

 

we strive for this version of unachievable greatness

 

RAMOS:  ‪Icarus had the right idea‬‬

 

just went the wrong way

 

AVENDANO: I love being shot down by the forces unforeseeably stronger than us

‬‬

is there ever a right way

 

thats the fun part almost

 

playing out these permutations

 

what would happen if he were right

 

finally

 

RAMOS:  ‪well in regards to Icarus yes... the right way would have been anywhere but towards the sun‬‬

 

and in regards to us, the right way might be away from the insatiable void

 

AVENDANO:  ‪but he had to go towards the sun to be with the gods‬‬

 

RAMOS:  ‪‬‬the gods are not in the sun!

 

AVENDANO:  ‪and this is where it ties into why this is more of a memory reel of my life than trajectories‬‬

 

not in the sun, but in the sky

 

RAMOS:  ‪i understand ... and it is nostalgic for me as well‬‬

‬‬

‪but also telling, as a reflection of contemporary states of being‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪particularly the memory reel of this red blob that is supposed to hold the spirit‬‬

 

but instead holds the archives of these desires for your to playback

 

of course, we are all like Icarus, and that fervor drives us to try again until we perish

 

however if we succeed and do not perish, that future that i have no idea what it entails, is what i'm intrigued and sometimes afraid of

 

RAMOS:  ‪tell me about the music and trajectory‬‬

 

the music is staccato in nature

 

AVENDANO:  ‪this is the first video piece that i scored AFTER the video is made‬‬

 

before, my videos were more of music videos, accompaniments for the sounds

 

its staccato in part of the sharp jabs in movement, the quick decisions in permutations of decisions

 

but it follows a haunting feeling of memory

 

memories we look at on our phones because we enjoy torturing ourselves

but with those memories are the duality of joy and pain

 

the staccato describes the emulsion of the two distinct sentiments

 

RAMOS:  ‪both joy as in jubilation and sharp pain can be staccatoesque‬‬

 

peaceful joy and quiet pain, constant pain is something else

 

which is also telling of your experiences... all very intense

 

so the trajectory

 

there are clear "chapters" to this video

 

AVENDANO:  ‪yup‬‬

 

time periods

 

that they correspond to

 

and the memories, especially with the person that they are tied to

 

RAMOS:  ‪but i wouldn't know that as the viewer unless i was that person?‬‬

 

or is it obscure to them as well?

 

AVENDANO:  ‪no‬‬

 

its just me projecting

 

remember, i'm just a black hole who moonlights as someone charming

 

RAMOS:  ‪and the time-lapse is over how many years?‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ‪um since um‬‬

 

i guess 13, my kindergarten gf doesn't really count i presume

 

RAMOS:  ‪wait... this is all about girls?‬‬

 

AVENDANO:  ...